Will Divorce Hurt Your Child?

When Sarah was a senior in high school working on her college applications, her mom told her that she needed to include that her parents had been divorced since she was four years old. Sarah was told it was because being a child of divorce is an adversity that she had to overcome. Sarah's jaw dropped, and she looked in disbelief as she asked why. Her mom told her it was because she lived in two homes and had to go back and forth. That made it more challenging to keep track of her things, including her homework. There is also a presumption that since her parents are divorced, they don't get along and don't communicate as well regarding her needs.

Until then, Sarah had been at private schools, and very few of her friends had divorced parents. Yet, her friends sometimes had difficulty finding things or keeping track of homework. And some of her friends' parents argued far more than Sarah's parents did. After further discussion, she still did not really understand why her childhood was more difficult.  

Yet, most postings on the internet are about how divorce makes life so difficult for kids and messes them up. Divorce does not mess up a child!!!!

In high school, Sarah was a member of the National Honor Society, had been lettered in soccer and track all four years, and had leadership positions in her school. Sarah's ACT score placed her in the top one percent of all students nationally. She graduated from a prestigious university and is a consultant with one of the major consulting firms. Most importantly, she is a sweet and caring person.

Why do some kids do great despite coming from a broken home, yet others suffer?

Sarah's parents did not get along at the time of their divorce. But they sat next to each other at her events because it was what their daughter needed. They put their love for their daughter above their frustrations with each other. As a result, somehow, the conflict was subdued. Both parents thought it was because of what they did to improve things. That is probably why the conflict subdued. They each did what they could, how they could, and over time, all those little actions made a difference. They applied their faith and strived to be the best parents they could be for their daughter.

How parents divorce can significantly impact how well they work together to do what's best for their children. When parents mediate, they work together to resolve all the issues of their divorce. When parents litigate, and usually when they go through attorneys, they fight and work against each other. When parents work together in mediation, the neutral mediator guides them through the tough spots to keep them on track and to set up a good plan. A plan that will help them work together and avoid conflict.

When parents get along, they can be more involved in their children's lives and ensure their children's best interests are met. When the kids are doing fine, it's much easier for a parent to be happy and peacefully move on from their divorce.

If you are contemplating divorce, give me a call. I will help you and your spouse put a plan together that will be in the best interests of your child(ren). With an office in Independence, I serve Cleveland, Akron, and all of Cuyahoga, Summit, and Medina counties.