Divorce Like A Catholic
Scared or resentful about what the church will think of your divorce?
Tammy was struggling with how to move forward with her marriage of fifteen years. Her and her husband, Matt, fought so much, and sometimes she wondered if it was abusive. Everything Tammy tried to do to make things better just seemed to make things worse. As a Catholic, she was confused. On the one hand she knew that the Church believes that marriage is supposed to last forever, yet on the other hand many people are granted annulments. How can this be? Is it okay for her to divorce? So, Tammy reached out to her priest and she asked the questions below.
IS THE CHURCH AGAINST DIVORCE?
No. But the Church is not for divorce either. The Church wants what Tammy wanted at the time of her marriage, for her to be in a lifelong happy marriage. When Tammy felt that it was hopeless, her priest reminded her that marriage is a sacrament. Meaning, Tammy and her husband are not the only ones in the marriage, the Holy Spirit is a part of the marriage and will help them when the going gets tough.
Her priest also told her that not all marriages are valid because some of them have flaws, flaws that cannot e overcome. In which case divorce, followed by an application for an annulment, also known as a declaration of nullity, may be permissible or necessary.
WHAT ARE THESE FLAWS?
A flaw is when one or more of the essential elements that make-up a valid marriage is missing. The essential elements, according to the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, are: https://www.usccb.org/topics/marriage-and-family-life-ministries/annulment
the spouses are free to marry
they are capable of giving their consent to marry
they freely exchange their consent
in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children
they intend the good of each other
their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister (Exceptions to this must be approved by Church authority)
ANY OTHER WAYS TO KNOW FOR SURE THE CHURCH IS NOT AGAINST DIVORCE?
It says so in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Article 2383 states if civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.
The divorced can participate in the sacraments of confession and the Eucharist, subject to the Church’s regular rules.
Children of the marriage are always valid members of the church, never illegitimate.
The Church, wants us to have peace and joy, not misery.
Part of the reason for the confusion is that people will quote just one canon law, or just one teaching from the Catechism of the Catholic Church. You can’t understand the entire teaching of the Church from just one quote.
CAN I FIND OUT BEFORE I DIVORCE IF MY MARRIAGE IS VALID?
No, the church will not interfere with a civil marriage.
You will find out when you apply for a declaration of nullity, which has to take place after the divorce.
Talk to a priest or deacon about your marriage. They will not judge you. They will help you find the peace and joy of the risen Lord. They will guide you in making good decisions.
In the meantime, I encourage you to stay faithful and true to the Church. They can offer some of the best support while you are discerning to divorce, or while you go through a divorce. Especially the sacraments of confession and communion.
“Be Still and Know That I am God.” - Psalms 46:11